Beware the Spot Light
When I was in junior high, the Principle of my school learned from my teacher that I had won a gold and silver medal at a recent Special Olympics swim competition in central Israel. He made a really big deal out of my success. This made me feel very uncomfortable because in this particular competition my opponents really weren’t at my level. As a result, my victory wasn’t personally gratifying. Even in the best of cases, I hate the spot light because I feel too modest to express self praise. I never know what to say.
Having the Principle choose this time to acknowledge my achievements only enhanced my natural desire for anonymity. Because I didn’t really know how to share my experience and feelings, it was easier to not have much to do with people.
Out of the blue, at a school assembly, the Principle announced to the whole junior high school that Eldad Shoshtari, a student in 8th grade, had won a silver medal AND a gold medal in the Special Olympics competition. He then called me to join him. I refused to go up to the stage. I was overwhelmed with discomfort as all my issues about not liking to talk about myself flooded my head. I wanted to disappear into oblivion. I didn’t know how to be the center of attention. I didn’t know what to say or what to do. The assembly ended with me remaining in the background.
My teacher, with whom I have a great relationship to this day, insisted I bring my medals to school for the kids to see. I was really against it but as I said, she insisted. So out of respect for her, I brought them. I wore them. But I put them under my shirt. She and other teachers nagged me to pull them out and show them to the others. As soon as they saw them, kids crowded around me like I was a celebrity. I wanted to jump out of my skin. Like a celebrity, I ran from people who just wanted to talk to me and look at my medals.
A week later there was another assembly. This time the High School Principle was in attendance. Again, my annoying Principle called me up the stage. This time, I understood, I didn’t have a choice. He announced that the Principle of the high school was there to present me with an encyclopedia as a way to congratulate me. I overcame my inhibitions and walked though the crowd to the front of the hall. I walked up the few steps feeling very embarrassed and annoyed at the Principle for putting me through this. I managed to eek out a few words of thanks. Then, if the stage and the gift weren’t enough, he had called the local city newspaper and had them send a reporter to interview me. What a disaster!
The teachers made a giant card for me saying how proud they were of my achievement. I must say that I was really moved by their effort and that card still hangs on the wall in my room. One really amusing moment was after the event. I was called into the teachers lounge. The Principle was there. He asked me to choose two teachers to ‘present’ me with my medals. They raised their hands, calling out ‘Me, me, choose me’. I felt like I was in a scene from a movie. It seemed that this was the scene where we reenacted Eldad getting his medals. I did as I was asked and chose 2 teachers. They then ‘awarded’ me my medals by placing them around my neck. I guess the Principle wanted to live the moment.
Of course now I appreciate all they did at that time. I still have a hard time being the center of attention, but I’m working on it.
