TO LEAVE OR NOT TO LEAVE
To leave or not to leave – that is the question. Whether it is nobler to be stuck in the midst of a family setting,
Or to seek out liberty and freedom by confronting the realities of life on one’s own.
What is more precious, the warmth and support of a loving family who seeks the most for one’s well-being but makes demands as well? Or to be free, out in the world half-hatched?
When is the right time?
How does one decide when they’re ready to soar with the glories and dangers of the world?
These days I have been feeling the need to go out on my own because I am in a stage of life where I feel I want to make all my own decisions. On the other hand I don’t know if I can handle life by myself. Sometimes this makes me frustrated leading to conflicts with my parents. Sometimes I cross the line and I end up all alone. My brother has no patience for behavior he thinks is out of place. When I give our parents a hard time, he says I’m selfish. Not knowing how to reach out and bond with people has affected my relationship with my sisters. We just aren’t as close as we might be. So when I alienate my parents, I feel pretty alone.
This tells me that I still need to learn how to take that first step in opening up to people before I can forge my way on my own. If I left home now and went to live in an apartment (even if I could afford it), I think I would eventually become so lonely that I would burst out of my quiet pain and suffering by forcing myself to connect to someone. This doesn’t seem like the right way to do it. I guess I have to give myself time to mature and develop my skills.
But who knows, maybe forcing myself to open up is the only way I’ll learn to do it.
Living with one’s family can be challenging sometimes. But for now I know there’s no other place I’d rather be than home.
January 17, 2010 at 7:59 am
HA! We are exactly the same. All I have to say is most American teenagers leave for college at 17 or 18. Don’t rush it. Leave when you know you can be successful and there’s still no guarantees.
Okay- I have read all your blog posts and commented on most of them. Are you going to do the same for me?
January 19, 2010 at 3:40 am
Beautifully written and spoken. It is so hard to open up, but so important to do it. Remember, you have many years of your life ahead of you. The problems you experience in your family will not go away, even when you leave home. You are very mature to recognize this.